Tuesday, September 30, 2014

Craving the Good Stuff

Nope, not pregnant.
 Crave:  To feel a powerful desire for something; long for; yearn for; want and wish for 
I was watching Joyce Meyer the other morning before work just as I always do, and she asked the question:  What do you crave?
Well that's a good one.
Approval?  Attention?  Material wealth?  Acceptance?  Respect?
I think we all at some point or another have wanted at least one of these things.  And I don't believe there is anything wrong with wanting people to respect you or like you or even wanting things...as long as it doesn't take priority over our main purpose or become something we overthink and obsess about.  And there's something about human nature and our society that can cause even one with the best intentions to slip into one of these traps before we even realize we are sliding that way.
I started reflecting on this question and really I've been running it through my mind over the past two weeks.  I prayed for God to reveal to me exactly what my greatest desire was.  Of course it should be Him and in my heart that was what I wanted Him to reveal to me. 
I ran down the list and examined myself and my life to see which one I was guilty of.  I didn't find the answer through self-evaluation and I was feeling like my priorities were pretty much in check.  Ha.

Even still I prayed for God to convict my heart.  And you know it's so funny how God answers in the most unexpected ways.

The day after I prayed that prayer I woke up late and of course it was on a day that Kollyns had to be at preschool.  And when I'm late I'm the worst possible version of Kelsey.  I'm testy, snappy and everything irritates me and I'm a jerk.  And have you ever noticed that when you're late everything else seems a little off the rest of the day?

Yep, with wet hair and halfway done makeup I basically drove at lighting speed to take Kollyns to preschool fussing at myself under my breath (for waking up late and throwing my morning off) the whole way.  When we finally got there she decided she really didn't want to go to preschool (probably because she sensed my stress and felt the need to stay with me).  After a 5 minute cling/cry session in the parking lot and a Bloop bribe from mama she finally loosened her grip on me and went on in.  I got halfway to work and realized I didn't have my cell phone and I really needed it because that was the contact info they had at preschool and if they needed me they wouldn't be able to get in touch.  So I turned the car around and drove back home and was greeted by our tail-wagging newly adopted German Shepherd 'Porter' (I'll save that story for another day) who barreled through the door with muddy paws and dove onto my brand new grey linen upholstered accent chair that I have been saving for the new house.  Yes I said linen, not leather.  Disaster.  I spent the next 15 minutes scrubbing that with Resolve and saying a few things I'm ashamed of getting even more irritated with the entire situation that I was completely at fault for.  The following 15 minutes were spent in a frantic search for my iPhone until I gave up and got in the car because I was already super late for work...only to find that my phone was in my purse the entire time.  As I pulled the phone that had put me into a tailspin for most of the morning out of my purse I just dropped my head and prayed for God to forgive me for the entire morning and all of the ugliness that it entailed.  What was wrong with me?  What is lacking in my life that would cause a series of events so stupid and trivial to translate into me acting like a complete idiot for 30 straight minutes.

And just like that I had my answer.

Time, Kelsey.  I want your time.

The whole entire morning was leading up to this answer that I had begged Him for.  I don't give Him enough time.  I don't spend enough time in the Word. 

I thought I was doing good. I listen to a 30 minute message every morning while I get ready for work.  I read my Jesus Calling devotional every day and look up the scriptures.  I talk to God more than I talk to people.  I teach Sunday School to the cutest group of kids you've ever seen and I direct Children's Church.  And no I'm not telling you this because I want a pat on the back for what I do.  If anything I deserve a slap in the face because I'm so inadequate when it comes to serving.  I could do so much more.  My point is I became too comfortable with my routine. 

 Spending a significant amount of time meditating on scriptures and spending good quality uninterrupted time in the Word is where I've fallen short.  Embarrassing.  That's one of the most important parts of a relationship with God.  That's what I need to crave and desire with all of my heart.  And as a Christian it's up to me to seek that Biblical knowledge and feed myself with it, so when I'm frenzied good stuff spills out, not the ugly stuff that was sloshing out on that hectic Wednesday morning.

And I know, life is going to throw a lot more curveballs my way that are far more serious than running late and having one chaotic morning.  But if I haven't equipped myself well enough to deal with those silly situations with grace, imagine what would spill out when a big test comes my way.

So lately I've been focusing on using my time wisely.

I fill up on coffee and the Word before I even step out into the world.  I know that I need it to be who God wants me to be and I know that time spent filling myself with Biblical wisdom and knowledge is the best possible use of my time.

And I wake up early for a change.  That's always a good idea.


Crystal Henderson said...

Love this post, Kelsey!

Kelsey Almond said...

Thank you Crystal! :)) xoxo